football

Yes, Swindon's favourite Italian Paolo Di Canio will be dictating, sorry taking charge, of lowly premier league side Sunderland to try and help them avoid relegation after the sudden sacking of Martin O'Neil after Saturdays 1-0 defeat to Manchester United. The appointment has come as a massive surprise in the footballing world, as Di Canio is seen as, to put it lightly, a fascist bastard. As well as the fact that Jose Mourinho was looking for a new job in England soon, why not wait for him Sunderland?!?

And not surprisingly, David Miliband has resigned from his post at Sunderland due to Di Canio's post. Looks like Mussolini Di Canio is already claiming his first scalp of the club.

Check out the latest Music News

We all know football fans can come up with some pretty sick taunts when they're trying to bait their rivals. David Beckham famously lost it after one too many chants about his sour-faced missus taking it up the arse, we know a few Villa songs about Dwight Yorke's blind son that would make your blood run cold, and let's just say that Sheffield Wednesday manager Dave Jones's involvement in a child abuse investigation has never been forgotten by fans of any team he faces.

Generally, those who are targeted by obscene chants and threats shrug it off as the extreme end of football banter, but the provocation went a step too far in a pub in Darlington last month when a vile football-related insult sparked a brawl. The jibe? Apparently one bloke told another bloke that he looked like Joey Barton. Sick, sick bastard.

Shaun Beckwith, 21, and Maxwell McStravick, 40, came to blows after Beckworth told McStravick he looked like the Marseille footballer. Naturally, he went ape shit. Punches were thrown, headbutts were landed and insults were dished out - which ironically sounds like an average game of football involving Joey Barton.

The two men admitted in court to threatening behaviour outside of the Tap and Spile pub, Darlington, on 8th March.

They were both sentenced to a 12-month community order with 80 hours unpaid work plus £45 costs and a £60 victim surcharge.

They were also told to tweet phrases from the Big Book of Quotes they got for Christmas in a bid to sound more intelligent than the violent thugs they are. Only then will they get a real understanding of what it's like to be a complete arsehole like Joey Barton.

Check out the music news

Instead we bring you the tale of Axel Gogstad, a 27-year-old sports journalism student from the University of Southampton, who has been called Axel Gogstad-Anfield since turning 18 in his native Norway.

We know what you're thinking: "He must be a serious Liverpool fan to change his name to something so stupid." But you'd be wrong - he's only been to Anfield nine times in as many years. So basically he's a tit.

"It was quite a spontaneous thing, really," he said.

"I've always been proud of my name but I thought if I put ‘Anfield' next to it I'd be even more proud of it and I can carry Liverpool wherever I'm going.

"My mum said ‘What have you been doing today?' and I said ‘I changed my name to Anfield'. She said ‘No, you haven't' and I said ‘Yes, I did'. We went back and forth for half an hour, and then I showed her the papers. She said ‘No really, you didn't?'"

Well good luck to you anyway Axel, although we suspect you may have some trouble getting a job as a sports journalist with a name that implies your reporting is going to be biased. Maybe that's why you're 27 and still a student.

Check out the music news

The Celtic-supporting cabbie somehow obtained the Spanish forward's phone number and pretended he was Jim McGonagle, a fictional MLS agent looking to sign European players to American clubs.

He then recorded everything the bumbling Spaniard said, including the fact he only moved to Rangers for the money and would leave in a heartbeat if he could get more elsewhere.

Sandaza admits that the weather and standard of football are not good, lifts the lid on his £4,500 per-week wages, and says he would move to the MLS without blinking.

"I only signed for the money," he said. "I didn't sign for the level."

Sandaza values himself at £500,000, adding he would like to see any proposed contract before Rangers are informed: "First if you have something official for a club that wants to pay money for me, show me the contract, and if everything is okay I will give you the okay to speak with Rangers.

"If I don't see anything official first I don't want any trouble with Rangers, maybe the press finds out."
It wasn't all bad though. Apparently he was quite complimentary to manager Ally McCoist and the club's fans. Was that good enough to save him from punishment? Not a chance. He was suspended pending an investigation by the club. Tool.

Check out the music news