football

The Times says players, who would earn three to four times what they currently earn, would live on artificial peninsulas where "laws and morals of the continent" would not exist.

Sounds unbelievable right? Well that's because it is, but those silly twats at The Times thought it was real and printed a huge ‘scoop' on it last month. In fact the whole concept had been dreamt up by a French spoof website and The Times' chief football correspondent Oliver Kay fell for it hook, line and sinker. Prat.

Just to add to the laughter, he initially stood by the story with the backing of The Times.

"I've been amused by the speculation about the source of this story," Kay told Reuters after a day of intense internet piss-taking. "I can guarantee you 100 percent, 1,000 percent, 175 million percent, that my story had nothing to do with any website, spoof or otherwise."

However, the following day The Times' sports editor Tony Evans was forced to issue a humiliating climb down - possibly realising something was up when Kay used phrases like "1000 percent".

"The Dream Football League (DFL) would turn into a journalistic nightmare," Evans grovelled. "It would have been possible to ride out the storm, tell the world that time would vindicate the newspaper and allow memories of the furore to fade away. But that is not how The Times does things. We value our reputation."

Unfortunately for Tony, no one else values it now - especially after reading the bit about games being visible by hologram in "local stadiums" in Europe, with the roars of fans sitting at Old Trafford being heard in the Gulf stadium. Tools.

It may sound as unlikely as Cheryl Cole lifting the restraining order against BBM, but as The Times reported last month a 24-team league, featuring 16 permanent sides including Manchester United, Manchester City, Arsenal and Paris St Germain, is set to be played in Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates.

The Times says players, who would earn three to four times what they currently earn, would live on artificial peninsulas where "laws and morals of the continent" would not exist.

Sounds unbelievable right? Well that's because it is, but those silly twats at The Times thought it was real and printed a huge ‘scoop' on it last month. In fact the whole concept had been dreamt up by a French spoof website and The Times' chief football correspondent Oliver Kay fell for it hook, line and sinker. Prat.

Just to add to the laughter, he initially stood by the story with the backing of The Times.

"I've been amused by the speculation about the source of this story," Kay told Reuters after a day of intense internet piss-taking. "I can guarantee you 100 percent, 1,000 percent, 175 million percent, that my story had nothing to do with any website, spoof or otherwise."

However, the following day The Times' sports editor Tony Evans was forced to issue a humiliating climb down - possibly realising something was up when Kay used phrases like "1000 percent".

"The Dream Football League (DFL) would turn into a journalistic nightmare," Evans grovelled. "It would have been possible to ride out the storm, tell the world that time would vindicate the newspaper and allow memories of the furore to fade away. But that is not how The Times does things. We value our reputation."

Unfortunately for Tony, no one else values it now - especially after reading the bit about games being visible by hologram in "local stadiums" in Europe, with the roars of fans sitting at Old Trafford being heard in the Gulf stadium. Tools.

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Yes the grand final is approaching people, and while the rest of the footballing world knows that the true champions this year are the ones who finished top of the league, the FFA in its infinite wisdom has come up with a much better way to decide which club is best. Because as we all know, giving the league title to the team with most points is far too complicated. So instead, the A League has come up with a much simpler system. Basically, the teams that finish third and fourth play the teams that finish fifth and sixth respectively in the elimination finals.

The highest-ranked winner (the team that finished higher in the league) of those games then plays the teams that finished first, and the lowest-ranked winner plays the team that finished top. The winner of those games then face each other in the grand final. See, it's so simple it's child's play - which ironically is also a pretty accurate description of the standard of the A-League.

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Alas, the former Belgian under-21 star has fallen on hard times of late, but he was recently thrown a lifeline by Bury. And while Gigg Lane may not exactly be the Stadio delle Alpi, it was still a shot at a fresh start in football and a rare chance for Bury fans to claim they had a genuine European star in their ranks. He signed non-contract terms with the club on a Monday. But by Tuesday, manager Kevin Blackwell had torn up the deal and sent him packing.

Apparently Jeanvion was so poor in his first game at his new club - a reserve outing against Bolton - that Shakers boss Blackwell had already seen enough.

"Yulu was a free agent; he was out of contract and had shown a little bit in training," said Blackwell. "I signed him on non-contract terms with a view to looking at him in the reserves against Bolton, if he had shown something in that game, I might have been able to throw him on the bench ... so he's on the next flight to Brussels."

Never mind Shakers fans, we've heard good things about another trialist who's on the market at the minute. He's called Ali Dia and he used to play in the Premier League after being spotted by a keen eyed Graeme Souness. Apparently he's related to George Weah...

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Big spending PSG had to rely on two of their big name signings as they swept aside Valencia at the Mestalla Stadium. Argentine internationals Lavezzi and Pastore both scored in the first half as PSG proved too much to deal with for the Spanish side. It took until the 90th minute for Valencia to score their consolation through French defender Rami. PSG star striker Ibrahimovic was sent off in stoppage time for a studs up challenge on Valencia's Guardado.

In the tie of the round Manchester United travelled to Spain to face Real Madrid and ex golden boy Cristiano Ronaldo. Typically the Portuguese winger made the headlines, equalising with a stunning header after Welbeck had given United the lead. Manchester United proved too resolute in defence as Madrid failed to find another way past David de Gea who pulled off a string of stunning saves. This tie is still very much alive and kicking.

German champions Borussia Dortmund managed an impressive draw in the Ukraine against Shakhtar Donetsk. After going behind twice Dortmund Centre Back Matts Hummels powered home a header from a corner late on to give Dortmund a great chance of progression with two away goals.

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