football

After winning the World Cup in 2006, the Italian national team were heralded as returning messiahs by their arse-pinching, cappucino-breath brethren. The players names were chanted in awe up and down the streets of Rome, Naples, Milan and Placido da Domingo.

But Alessandro del Piero took his status as sporting deity to a new level last month when he used his messianic status to cure a girl of a brain hemorrhage.

Italian schoolgirl Giada Scalise, 12, suffered a brain hemorrhage on January 22nd while watching her beloved Juventus on TV at her home in the southern city of Crotone.

She lapsed into a coma, and after several weeks of making no progress her parents got in touch with the prolific striker to ask for his help.
Del Piero happily obliged by sending a recorded message, which was played repeatedly at Giada's bedside: "Hello Giada, this is Alessandro del Piero. I hope you'll wake up and come back to us as soon as possible to watch many of our games."

Usually, the prospect of watching the traditional Italian game, which consists of defenders casually passing it between each other on the edge of their own box for 90 minutes, would be enough to put any football fan in a coma. But, amazingly, it worked.

Within days Giada began to stir, and she was soon speaking again and even demanding ice cream (presumably a cornetto) to help her recuperation. Her dad, Francesco, is convinced that the star's intervention was the key to his daughter regaining consciousness. All hail Del Piero - the king of kings!

Of course, an ability to cure and heal isn't the only thing Del Piero has in common with our Lord Jesus. He's also good on the end of crosses. Arf!

Imagine that you're poor old gran has just passed away and you go to her grave. Only when you get there, instead of her name engraved on the headstone, there's an advert for Bing Lee. Or, worse, a photo of Shane Warne looking very pleased with his latest treatment from Advance Hair Studio. Or Betty White eating a Snickers.

If you're anything like BBM, you'd be turning red with rage - which is exactly how Newcastle United fans felt when they found out the large sign at their home ground which said 'St James Park' had finally been torn down to make way for the stadium's new 'official' name, the ‘Sports Direct Arena.'

So when Michael Atkinson spotted the desecration on his daily walk to the Brown Ale store, he did what any other true-blooded Geordieman would do - he spray-painted the old name back on.

The graffiti was cleaned off a few hours later, but not before a viral photo of Atkinson's artwork had been circulated on Facebook.
"I was having a laugh with me mates on Facebook and decided to paint ‘St James' on the wall," he said."I had just done the ‘St James' and was just about to do the apostrophe when I saw the blue lights flashing so obviously I had to quit. The police were Ok when they arrested me but obviously they cannot condone it."

The rest of the football world has been shocked by Atkinson's criminal actions, as Geordies have never previously displayed any knowledge or interest in punctuation. Atkinson said the name change from St James' Park "wound him up."

"The ground has always been ‘St James' Park' and should always be ‘St James'," he blathered.
It is thought to be the first illegal use of paint in the Newcastle area since the infamous 'Byker Grove blinding' of PJ out of PJ and Duncan in the mid 90s.

Premier league leaders Manchester City have the chance to pile the pressure on their bitter rivals United and continue their imperious home form when they host relegation threatened Bolton at the Etihad Stadium on Saturday 3rd March.

Roberto Mancini's men have won all 13 games at home this season and will be heavy favourites to take all three points from this encounter, which would give them a five point cushion over United who face a tricky trip to White Hart Lane to face Tottenham on the following Sunday.

It is unlikely Bolton's porous defence will be able to contain the strike power of City's Sergio Aguero, Mario Balotelli and Edin Dzeko, but in this season of shocks, and with United's shock 3-2 home reverse to Blackburn Rovers still fresh in the memory, the Citizens will be advised to ward off any complacency. Owen Coyle's struggling team have proved they do have the ability to punish opponents on a good day, as the likes of Everton and Liverpool have found out, but they have struggled to find consistency and continue to concede sloppy goals.

All considered, it is hard to see anything but a comfortable home win here, particularly with City's injury, suspension and international duty lists now clearing up at the right end of the season. Yaya Toure, Balotelli and captain Vincent Kompany are all now available in the blue half of Manchester's quest for first Premier League title.

By William David Wilson
Twitter: @wdwilso2

Liverpool ended nearly six years without a trophy by lifting the League Cup at Wembley after a dramatic penalty shootout victory over Cardiff City.

Steven Gerrard's cousin Anthony missed the decisive penalty to send the travelling Kop into raptures and ensure the Carling Cup was going back to Merseyside.

The Welsh side shocked the Premier League giants when they took the lead against the run of play on 20 minutes, when Joe Mason coolly slotted past Pepe Reina after being played in by Scottish international Kenny Miller.

The Merseyside giants eventually hit back on the hour mark after sustained pressure and valiant Cardiff defending, when defender Martin Skrtel prodded home a loose ball in the box in front of the jubilant support.

The match went into extra time before appearing to be decided by Dutch striker Dirk Kuyt's neat finish at the second attempt. But Liverpool somehow contrived to let their Championship opponents back into the match after they failed to deal with the second of two successive corners and the ball was bundled home at close range by Ben Turner.

Cardiff's Tom Heaton saved brilliantly from Liverpool skipper Gerrard from the first spot kick, and Cardiff would briefly lead the penalty contest 1-0 after Charlie Adam blazed over and Don Cowie converted after Miller's miss. But, it was sadly not to be for the gallant Welsh team.

Dirk Kuyt scored Liverpool's first penalty before Rudy Gestede missed, leveling things up. Stewart Downing and Peter Whittingham kept it level before Glen Johnson beautifully struck what would turn out to be the winning goal after Anthony Gerrard's subsequent miss.

The penalty shootout win handed Kenny Dalglish the first trophy of his second spell as manager of the Reds, and the first since the club was bought by American John W Henry's Fenway Group. The last trophy Liverpool won beforehand was the FA Cup at Cardiff's Millennium Stadium in 2006.

By William David Wilson
Twitter: @wdwilso2