 The Sex, drugs, and the appearance of a hole.
You've just got to love a bit of lack of sexual education. A distressed Malawian man claims that he has been cursed by his ex wife and has grown female genitalia, which is, of course, physically impossible. Commenting on his strange experience, 25-year-old Jali Mateyu said "Two years ago I developed strange human flesh on my anus and my wife confirmed to me that they were female genitals but they disappeared." Mateyu explained. "But in June this year they reappeared just between the anus and the genitals. My member shrunk and later disappeared. There were only female genitals," he continued. It gets more hookey kookey of course as Mateyu then sought the help of a traditional healer who cut them and sprinkled herbs on them, but alas his male genitalia has reappeared but is too weak for him to perform in bed. Apparently it's very itchy down there and bleeds if you scratch it...sounds like a huge case of STI's to us! |
|
In the crap
FESTIVAL toilets. You use one on the morning of the first day and think ‘this ain't so bad, what's all the fuss about?'
Three days later, though, and you'd rather poo behind your mate's tent than go within a five-metre radius of the fly-ridden, puke-stained, turd traps.
If the worst comes to the worst and you simply have to go, then it's much like BBM's love life - trousers down, get the job done, clean yourself up, then get the hell outta there. Now imagine the worst festival toilet experience you've ever had and multiply the smell by 1,000 and the time by 48 hours.
Welcome to the hellish world of an unlucky Chinaman who slipped into a poo-filled toilet pit in inner Mongolia and couldn't get out for two days.
Finally, a passer-by heard his pleas for help and called emergency services. As soon as he was out, the excrement escapee ran to a nearby pond and the cleansing began. We're sure the local ducks weren't impressed.
|
Gunning for president
WE ALL know what's wrong with America - not enough people with guns.
That's the message of an obscure wannabe politician running for Tennessee governor who has become an internet hit after vowing, if elected, to fine anyone who doesn't own a firearm. God bless America.
War veteran Basil Marceaux, 58, was given one minute to pitch his campaign on TV and in a slurred speech promised to "do his issues" and "make it all freer than you were yesterday".
He also introduced himself by saying: "Hi, I'm Basil Marceaux dot com," even though that's not his campaign's web address.
"Everyone carry guns," he ordered. "If you kill someone, though, you get murdered and go to jail. Vote for me and, if I win, I will immune you from all state crimes for the rest of your life."
Batty Basil said his speech went wayward because he'd written six minutes of material and had been forced to shorten it at the last minute by producers, who also distracted him during filming.
His other political goals include "removing all gold fringe flags", "stopping traffic stops" and "planting grass or vegetation" across the state.
|
Paul the Octopus: The Phenomenon
Our favourite eight legged creature, Paul the psychic octopus, has snapped up a new agent and will be releasing a range of wacky and wonderful merchandise in the upcoming months.
While our suggestions for the Octopus love pillow was turned down, Worcestershire's ace agent Chris Davies has confirmed a deal for Paul to become an Elvis Presley tribute act, releasing an album called Paul The Octopus sings Elvis.
In addition, there will be books and toys available for Christmas and a new iPhone app which hopefully will improve our standings in the BBM office tipping competition. Still hoping for that love pillow for Valentines Day.
 |
|
|
|
|
<< Start < Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next > End >>
|
|
Page 1 of 15 |
