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Blowjob Jokes

Blowjob Jokes

bj jokesQ: Which of the following words does not belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob.
A: Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs, and wife; but you can’t beat a blowjob.

Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

A man found a magic lamp and excitedly rubbed it to make the genie come out. The genie told him that he could have one wish. So the man took out a map of the world and pointed to the Middle East. He told the genie “There is so much trouble and war and suffering in this area, I wish it would all come to a peaceful end..”
The genie looked at the map for a moment and shook his head sadly, “I’m sorry master, but not even I have enough power to do that.”
The man looked sad and put away the map and thought for a moment about what else he could wish for. Then he said, “All right genie, in that case, I wish that my wife would give me a blowjob.”
The genie said, “Let me get another look at that map.”

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

A Jewish man went into a church and entered the confession booth. The priest welcomed him and asked him what he would like to talk about. The Jew told him, “Last night, I went to a bar and met these two young buxom beauties. I took them into a back alley and let them take turns sucking my shvantz over and over until I was satisfied, before taking them both home to make love all night.”
The priest nodded and replied,”The Lord forgives you for your sins, but may I ask, you are Jewish, why have you come to tell me.”
The Jewish man replied,”Tell you, are you kidding? I’m telling everybody!”

Q. What’s the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A. A microwave stops when you open the door.

Two sperm are swimming through a woman when one of them looks at the other and says,” Hey I think we are coming close to the ovaries”. The other looks at the other sperm and says,” Hey relax we just passed the tonsils.”

A guy walks home after buying a cock-sucking frog. He walks into the kitchen, where his wife is doing the dishes, and plonks it on the table.”What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?” she screams.”Teach it to cook and fuck off,” he replies.

Q: What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

Q: Whats the difference between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?
A: You don’t know? soooo…you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. The child asks, “Mother, where do babies come from? “
“Well dear…a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room…they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled.
“That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy”s vagina. That”s how you get a baby, honey.”
The daughter replies, “Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy”s room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewellery, dear.”

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