At school I was taught that I shouldn’t label people as disabled.
It was offensive, and a huge waste of stickers.
That’s the third time I’ve had my application for the Special Olympics declined.
Apparently there’s no such thing as a giant dwarf.
“He seizures when you’re sleeping.”
My mate said, “Fucking hell, I was so drunk last night”.
I said, “Not as drunk as me.”
He said, “Course I was, did you see that girl I went home with? She was a right minger.”
I said, “That’s nothing. Did you see the girl I went home with?”
He said, “Didn’t your wife pick you up?”
I said, “Yep.”
Dexy, Surry Hills
Waitress: ‘Do you have any questions about the menu?’
Me: ‘Yes, what kind of font is this?’
Gran’s always up for a laugh, so for a bit of a practical joke, I put her walking stick out of her reach.
I can’t believe she fell for it.
I discovered that my son has become sexually active today.
Not something I expected to find out from the vet.
My mate wished me a Merry Christmas today. A bit early but he does suffer from premature congratulation.
There was an earthquake near the Galaxy chocolate factory this morning.
It sent ripples through the whole building.
My son wants a gold fish for Christmas. He must think I’m made of money.
I just tried to change my Facebook password to ‘14 days’ but it said it was ‘Too weak’.